


Meant To Be This Way

by MiniMcKee21



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ballroom Dancing, Dancing, Depression, Insecurity, M/M, References to Depression, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 01:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18713836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniMcKee21/pseuds/MiniMcKee21
Summary: Sometimes, when Roman is spinning out of control, all he has left to keep him sane are his own lies.





	Meant To Be This Way

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before Selfishness vs Selflessness, but I think it still works.
> 
> This is a concept that has been spinning around my head for a while, and I was hit with a sudden inspiration to write it down, so here it is. I wrote it to 'My Mistake' by Gabrielle Aplin, so I recommend you listen to that. I often imagine Deceit and Roman dancing together to it. Just be warned, if you're a sad bean like me, it's a very depressing song. Be careful. I suggest listening to 'King' by Lauren Aquilina afterwards to give you (and our dearest Roman) back some hope again.
> 
> This was posted on Tumblr a while ago, so don't come roasting me if you recognise it. That was me.

Alone. That is where Roman finds himself again. Alone.

He's lounged on his throne, in the Imagination, mind spinning endlessly. There's too much to think about. And yet, at the same time, there's not enough.

He's not  _good enough_. Maybe he never will be.

Sometimes he wonders if he's just being petty. Selfish. You can't ask for everyone's attention all the time, Roman. Stop being so childish. No, the way he is can't be blamed on anyone but himself. He's meant to be this way. Never enough, always striving for more.

It's beautiful... right?

He pretends it's beautiful at least. A tragic artist. Torn between his mind and the work he creates. One couldn't exist without the other. He's meant to be this way.

He's meant to be this way.

"Roman."

He can't even find it in himself to look up. He knows who stands before his throne. He knows why he's here.

"Roman. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Shut up." he murmurs back, but he goes ignored.

"You know why I keep coming here. Why do you keep entertaining these thoughts?"

Roman finally looks up, his eyes locking with the unmatched pair before him.

"Because they're not lies."

"Then why am I here?"

He has no answer, and Deceit sighs. The silence stretches on and on. Roman wonders why he's still here, why he doesn't just leave. He has no reason to still be stood in front of him and his shadowed throne. He wants to be alone.

He  _is_ alone.

"Dance with me."

It's sudden, and not a request, and Roman only pauses a moment before taking the hand outstretched to him. The walls shimmer around them as they move to its centre, his throne room replaced with a ballroom, and Deceit pulls him close.

"No music?" he attempts to joke, but it comes out far too soft and insecure.

"I just want you to talk, Roman. If you won't let it out to anyone who can actually help you, then you can at least let it out to me."

And Roman is tired, So, so tired. So he talks and, as he talks, the pair begin spinning around the room.

The dance between Creativity and Lies is a beautiful one. Can one truly exist without the other? In moments like these, Roman questions if he'd even have a purpose without Deceit.

His words become the melody, swirling around them as he spills his insecurities, his secrets. How he doesn't feel worthy, how he doesn't feel enough. The more his misery grows, the faster they spin, the closer Deceit holds him.

"Am I meant to be this way?" he finally asks Deceit. Such a simple question. It can never express the torment in his soul. Is he meant to always suffer? Is he meant to never be enough?

He doesn't realise he's weeping until Deceit brushes his tears away, and their spinning slows to a stop. Alone in the middle of a ballroom, embraced by lies, wondering if his only purpose is failure.

"No." Deceit says. The first word he's said in what feels like hours. "No, you are not meant to be this way, Roman. You were not made to suffer. This will pass, I promise."

"Liar." Roman chokes out, even as his knees buckle and the pair collapse to the floor, holding each other tightly.

Deceit says nothing, instead stroking the Prince's hair, and tightening his grip, and they stay there until morning shines its harsh light, and Roman is forced to rise.

His hand is caught as he goes to leave, and he turns back to Deceit.

"Talk to someone," he pleads, "Don't keep doing this."

"I will." Roman responds, and Deceit lets him go, but the air is heavy around them as he departs.

They both know the truth.


End file.
